


where the lights are taking us

by aurorina



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Depression, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:45:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9673289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurorina/pseuds/aurorina
Summary: Between their dreams & sirens of the police cars, they drive into the dark.Celebrity AU in which Kyungsoo is a well-known celebrity and Jongin is his secret lover in the shades.





	

It was a dark rainy day in Seoul. The clock was nearing to 22:56 and he was very very late to his schedule. He was in a black limousine, being taken to the one of the year end award shows, name of which Kyungsoo kept confusing with one another. He should have been on the red carpet around 22:30 and he could imagine the nagging that he was going to get from his manager later on. He was given a limo and a chauffeur as soon as his plane landed to Seoul and his jet lag was causing him a great headache. He started to impatiently tap his fingers to the car seat and silently watched outside, wishing to get over with the ceremony as soon as possible. Insincere greetings and unnecessary interactions made him cringe every time. But fortunately he was the perfect actor, as critics pointed out in his latest movie, so he successfully kept his head low and played it for the crowds.

As they stopped in a red light in one of the most crowded areas of the city, he saw couples walking hand in hand in the sidewalks, having fun under the street lights even in the light rain. It was then he suddenly realized, looking at the decorations on the streets, it must be Christmas time. The limousine was prepared for his absolute comfort for his short ride to the award ceremony, but he couldn't help feeling cold and out of place as a shiver ran up his spine. The red light was then turned to green and Kyungsoo continued to stare ahead the tinted window, his face without any emotion.

He could sense they were getting close to the location, as traffic got heavier and crowds on the sidewalks got larger and larger. After a couple of minutes his chauffeur notified him through the intercom that he will be stopping right at the entrance and help him with the door. Kyungsoo kept silent and took a big breath as he tried to get himself ready for the crowds. When the limousine reached to the red carpet, he realized the crowds were placed a lot closer to the celebrities this time and silently cursed to the broadcasting company for the set up.

Then, it all happened in a blur.

His chauffeur got off the limo and quickly approached Kyungsoo's door as camera flashes started to go off to capture Kyungsoo's entrance to the ceremony. However, it was then, doors of the limo got locked off and the chauffeur couldn’t open the door. Suddenly the limo darted out as someone hit the gas and Kyungsoo got glued to the car seat. Last thing Kyungsoo saw from the red carpet was the flash of the cameras.

For a minute or so, Kyungsoo wasn't able to understand what was going on. He just froze. Plus they were going so fast that if he even moved an inch, he was sure that he would fly over to the other end of the seat. Lights of the city were passing by him in a rush and he wasn't even able to form an actual thought.

“Kyungsoo?... Kyungsoo? Can you hear me?” a voice reached out from the intercom.

He recognized his voice immediately.

Jongin.

“Don't worry. It's me. ” he continued.

Kyungsoo was silent at first, but then he replied in a quiet voice,

“What... What did you do?”

“I... I had to do this... I had to do this, love. I'm... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.”

Jongin's voice was strained as he struggled around the traffic without losing speed. They were still in the middle of the city and Kyungsoo had no idea where they were headed.

After Kyungsoo finally came to his senses, slowly but carefully holding to whatever he could within luxurious interior of the limousine, he tried to reach to driver's side. When he finally reached it after bumping his head twice and being thrown onto the mini-bar due to sudden turns and stops, he could see Jongin's siluette from the tinted glass as he furiously maneuvered the limo on the wet road. Kyungsoo slowly detached locks that separated passenger side from the driver and opened a tiny entryway behind the seat next to Jongin. With luck on his side, he carefully slid over without hurting himself in the process.

When he glanced over Jongin, he realized how pale Jongin was, which made him get really scared for the first time.

“Jongin, baby… Did you plan this? Do you know what you are doing right now?”

“Yes… I mean, no. No, I didn’t… But I couldn’t stand anymore, Soo. I couldn’t.”

Kyungsoo had no idea what to say.

 

\---

Last time they actually spent some time together was at least 4 months ago, before Kyungsoo left to film a movie in China. Kyungsoo had only one night free of schedule before the filming started and he had immediately headed to Jongin’s apartment. When Jongin had opened the door and faced with the tired but relieved face of his lover, he immediately had gone for a deep kiss on the heart shaped lips. Jongin had lifted Kyungsoo up as the latter had wrapped his legs on Jongin’s waist and let himself be carried to Jongin’s bedroom without a single word uttered between them. They had so much to share, so much to talk about but instead Jongin preferred to trace his lips around every single mole on Kyungsoo’s body after getting them both out of their clothes. Kyungsoo ravished Jongin’s addicting scent and tried to imprint it on his mind again and again the whole night.

And this one night was just after another 6 month absence of Kyungsoo. Today, just memories of one night kept them sane after a total of 10 months.

Kyungsoo’s hectic schedule was impossible to understand. He was the new rising actor of South Korea so his company made sure to gain as much as possible before attention of the public diverted to another actor. There were so many fans following him in his schedules so every single detail of his personal life was needed to be kept secret. His sexuality was only known by his manager, who was also the only one knew of Jongin. If anything was leaked to the public, he could lose everything in a matter of seconds.

And Kyungsoo was scared. He was scared of losing, both everything he worked for and… Jongin. After his debut in early teens, his life was changed forever, because of impossible schedules he had forgotten what life was, what time really meant and how easy it was to lose track of it. Kyungsoo didn’t know anything better than the life that he had right now. Once upon a time he was a cute boy that every mother wanted as a kid, then a charming neighborhood boy, and yet today he was the heartthrob of Seoul, mesmerizing hearts of both young men and women, always on spotlight. He was scared of leaving this life, it was the only one he ever had.

Yet, for Jongin… He couldn’t.

Jongin came as a fresh breath into his life, who took his mind off daily problems and reminded him what he was missing out in life, even for short periods. But it was never easy as it was in the beginning.

Jongin also had problems, depression being major one. After a couple of years in their relationship Jongin had lost his family in a car accident. His parents and two sisters were on a winter holiday which was actually a Christmas gift arranged by the couple. Jongin tormented himself for ages thinking that he and Kyungsoo were the ones who caused it all. His depression was in such level that he wasn’t able to get out of his house for weeks, which in the end resulted in losing his job as a dance instructor altogether.

Kyungsoo tried to break it off. Jongin clearly deserved someone who would be with him whenever. But he was selfish, he couldn’t let go. Yet he was not able to stand by Jongin’s side, not able to support him and relieve him from his personal sufferings. Hours spent on phone, chatting and texting in every possible break Kyungsoo had, was never enough, since it could never be a solution.

Jongin needed someone to hold him up, and Kyungsoo was never there.

\---

 

Kyungsoo was sharply brought back to reality after Jongin nearly lost the control of the limo in a particularly sharp turn.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

Jongin didn’t answer.

“Jongin, baby, where are we going?” he asked again.

With again no answer.

Rain was now falling hard on the streets and it was getting harder to see in front of the road. It was becoming hard to drive the limo in full speed.

“Please talk to me, baby, please…”

“I… I… I’m so selfish, love. I’m so selfish. Can you forgive me?” Jongin finally said.

He wasn’t even sparing him a glance as he tried to swerve on the road.

Kyungsoo’s knuckles were becoming white as he tried to hold on to his seat. His eyes were only on Jongin. “What are you talking about Jongin?” After a deep sigh, he continued, “How can I be angry at you?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing Soo… I… I really don’t. I just have this… feeling.” Tears were running down his cheeks as he held on to the wheel a bit tighter.

Kyungsoo, who tried to keep calm, was now starting to get worried.

“I don’t know what you are thinking but- ”

Kyungsoo was then suddenly interrupted by the noises of sirens flaring not so far away from them.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” he sighed and reached for the radio to get the hold of the situation. He wished with his whole heart that maybe the sirens were not screaming for them. With his hands shaking, he searched for a news channel.

“- not clear enough to make any claims however it is given that the famous actor Do Kyungsoo has been kidnapped right in front of the entrance of 31st Golden Disk Awards. The footage of the kidnapping has been live and the masked figure has not yet identified. The police was not able to comment for the situation however it was assured that they are giving their best to -”

Kyungsoo turned off the radio and let out the breath he was holding. It was too naïve of him to believe that perhaps there was a house fire near this area or anything.

It was then he realized he had left his phone in the back of the limo. He didn’t need to check to know that it was flown off from the seats, screen silently flashing one call after another, adding onto the dozens of unanswered calls.

“Baby… This is serious. They are looking for us.” he stated as calm as possible. “We should perhaps turn back.”

“NO!” shouted Jongin suddenly, startling Kyungsoo. “No, no, no, we cannot, we just cannot. I can’t turn back now. Just… Just hold on tight.”

“Tell me… Then tell me where are we going?” his voice was shaking, “You are scaring me.”

“We are going to be together no matter what, you know it right?” Jongin sincerely asked him. “You want it… right?”

 

 

He wasn’t so sure of Kyungsoo. What he was sure that Kyungsoo was indeed his soulmate. His days spent only being within the cold walls of his house gave enough time to sort out what Kyungsoo meant for him. Between his antidepressants and doctor controlled strict therapies, the lines were getting kind of blurred, but Kyungsoo was all he had left… and he decided that he could not spend any second away from him anymore. The time they had was never enough. The world was stealing Kyungsoo away from him and their precious time which was supposed to be spent together and together only. Jongin just couldn’t take it anymore. Kyungsoo was supposed to belong to him, not the crowds, not the cameras and not the screens.

They were meant to be together. And they were going to stay together.

Forever.

 

 

“Of course Jongin. With all my heart… You belong to me and I belong to you.” replied Kyungsoo with an aching heart. He didn’t need to think.

“Okay… Okay…” Jongin smiled bitterly. Road lights were shining on his face due to the trails of his tears.

“We’ll never get separated anymore, love. We’ll be together forever. Nothing will ever hold us back.” Jongin added. He was still smiling. It wasn’t a smile that Kyungsoo was used to seeing on Jongin. It wasn’t that brilliant grin he put on when Kyungsoo scolded him for watching him sleep early in the morning. He wasn’t beaming as he used to when they finally met after a long and painful separation. He was smiling, a different kind of one, so bitter that Kyungsoo shivered in reflex.

The sound of sirens was catching up on them as they got on the highway and left the city lights behind. Inside the limo, only harsh sound was coming from wipers of the windshield, furiously working in heavy rain. The road lights were taking them somewhere, Kyungsoo had no idea where but he had a faint idea of what was going to happen.

As the realization hit him, he felt numb. Shouldn’t he be scared, shouldn’t he be trying to escape? Shouldn’t he be trying to reach the phone he had in the back somewhere?

For a couple of minutes, the world froze around Do Kyungsoo as his imagination ran wild.

If they had turned back right this moment, and let the police catch them, everything could go back to normal some way, couldn’t it?

Jongin would be arrested on the scene and even if Kyungsoo weren’t pressing charges, the situation was clearly blown out of control. He was sure that it would be a nationwide drama. Jongin would clearly be put in jail, whether or not he liked it, due to the huge hate he would receive from the public. 7 years, 10 years, who knows, it’d be on the hands of the prosecutor yearning for the attention of the public… How dare he put a hand on the nation’s most prized actor.

Jongin wouldn’t be able to take it. He wouldn’t be able to live in jail. His already crippling depression would get worse, his fragile body, once muscular and strong, wouldn’t be able to stand.

He would clearly…

On another note, Kyungsoo would gain immense popularity for sure. How he survived this kidnapping and how brave he was the whole time. There would be interviews, talk shows, new opportunities rising for him. Maybe even books, someday movies about all this…

He would have to keep it quiet about visiting Jongin on jail though. Even one wrong rumor could ruin everything for his career. Why would famous Do Kyungsoo be visiting his kidnapper on jail? Even regularly? It would be so difficult for the PR team of SM to cover up with a decent reason. Backlash would be inevitable.

“We are about to reach. You remember this road, right?”

Kyungsoo was brought back to reality again with Jongin’s words. A sudden guilt washed over him. Why was he thinking about this? Why was he prioritizing his career even in his stupid what ifs?

What was he doing?

With a lump on his throat, he kept repeating himself that Jongin was his priority. Jongin was his priority.

Jongin was his everything. He was the only person who knew the real Do Kyungsoo. He didn’t need to pretend when he was with Jongin. He kept his deepest secrets and greatest desires. It felt like he was the only person who actually understood Kyungsoo.

He could not live without Jongin. Every morning would be torture. Every breath he would take would hurt. There is no way of thinking a world where Jongin didn’t exist. Because without Jongin, the real Do Kyungsoo would cease to exist.

Only a rag doll would be in his place.

Kyungsoo realized they had left the highway and were slowly entering a mountain road. Though it was dark and he couldn’t really see where they were headed, he had a faint idea.

 

\---

It was when Kyungsoo had received his first major film project and he had just learned that he was going to play leading role. He was so young back then, had hope in his heart. He felt he was heading into a bright future. It was after that he learned about it that night, he called Jongin to give the news.

“We have to celebrate it Kyungsoo! No excuses, no buts! I’m coming to get you, just get ready.” he had said cheerfully, making Kyungsoo’s heart skip a beat.

“Where are we going?” Kyungsoo had asked, as he got in to Jongin’s car.

“Shh.. It’s a surprise. So I’ll have to ask you to close your eyes, okay? I forgot to bring a blindfold.”

“What? Jongin… It’s not really necessa-”

“Please? Please close your eyes? And don’t open them until I tell you to. Please do it for me? And no cheating!” he interrupted. His pout was irresistible.

Though it would be a lie that Kyungsoo didn’t cheat along the way, he still didn’t expect the view when he properly opened his eyes. Jongin had brought Kyungsoo to a cliff, with an amazing view of green and yellow fields all you can see with the city blinking far far away.

Apparently in a short amount of time, Jongin had planned a small picnic for them, getting everything from the nearest convenience store. The food were all packed and processed but who cared about it really?

They had found a tree to sit under and congratulated Kyungsoo’s success with cheap food and cheap wine with only the lights of the city, the full moon and the stars illuminating them both.

They were enjoying the comfortable silence as Jongin was resting his head on Kyungsoo’s lap, it was Jongin who suddenly blurted out “Hyung, I love you.”

Jongin, who was desperately looking for an emotion -anything- on Kyungsoo’s face, was losing hope with each second Kyungsoo remained silent. Embarassed, Jongin got up and tried to make some distance between them. It was only then Kyungsoo pulled him back and kissed him hardly on the mouth, causing Jongin to lose his balance and fall on top of Kyungsoo instead.

“I love you too Jongin-ah.” Kyungsoo had replied as they lay there in a compromising position, leaving Jongin a blushing mess.

After that, the spot became ‘theirs’. They would always try to celebrate their anniversary on that spot, if Kyungsoo’s schedules would agree, which was a rare occasion for a past couple of years. If Kyungsoo wasn’t able to come, Jongin would always go there, alone, never forgetting to send photos, with a heavy heart.

\---

 

“I know where we headed Jongin. You’ve always loved it there.” said Kyungsoo on the passenger seat of the limo.

“We both did.”

“Yes, yes we did.”

Kyungsoo hadn’t realized that he had started to cry.

They were slowly approaching their spot now. Where everything started for the two of them. And apparently where everything would also end.

“I love you Kyungsoo. You trust me, right?” he turned to Kyungsoo.

“I know. I know. I’ll always love you forever. I’ll come anywhere with you Jongin.” Kyungsoo was staring deeply at his eyes.

“Yes,… forever.”

Jongin showed no intention of stopping or slowing as they nearly reached the cliff. Sirens were wailing somewhere behind.

He reached to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. Jongin had never even stopped crying.

They both reached for a kiss.

 

 

The danger did not arrive under the name of Kim Jongin that day for Do Kyungsoo.

It was the life itself that was dangerous anyway for either of them.

And both Kyungsoo and Jongin would be willing to do it again and again from the start.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading it! It's kind of my first finished fic... I just love angsty fics. Kaisoo just screams angsty at me. Yes, I love dying. I desperately need some feedback, positive or negative, I'm here with open arms my lovelies. Again, thank youu!
> 
> P.S. This was heavily inspired by David Guetta – Dangerous  
> (like i literally wrote everything while this song was on the loop)
> 
> Lastly, thank you my love, dearest besternate for being my first reader ever and my beta, always.


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